Emo Philips Quotes

Emo Philips quotations
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Emo Philips

Well, my brother says Hello. So, hooray for speech therapy.
Emo Philips quote

When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas...
Emo Philips quote

Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something...
Emo Philips quote

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Emo Philips quote

At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.
Emo Philips quote

How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
Emo Philips quote

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.
Emo Philips quote

My girlfiend said to me in bed last night' 'you're a pervert' I said, 'that's a big word for a girl of nine'.
Emo Philips quote



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