Funny Quotes and phrases

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Comedy and laughter your thing? Our funny quotes, whether it be a funny famous quote, a funny movie quote, a funny love quote or a generally humorous quote will make you laugh! Send us funny quotes.

Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious - Alan Minter

"the bowler is Holding the batsmens Willey" Brian Johnston

I spent 90% of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted - George Best

Moving from Wales to Italy is like moving to a different country - Ian Rush

"You watch the pitlane while I stop the start watch..." - Murray Walker

"This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria... I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing." - Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator

He's usually a good puller - but he couldn't get it up that time. - Richie Benaud (cricket commentator)

"If at first you don't suceed, pull your foreskin over your head (pronounced heed)" - Old Scottish parable

I never criticise referees and i'm not going to change a habit for that prat. - Ron Atkinson

What will you do when you leave football, Jack, will you stay in football - Stuart Hall, (radio 5 live commentator)

"A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on" - Samuel Goldwyn.

"What's another word for thesaurus?" - Steven Wright.

"Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me." - G.W. Hegel (philosopher)

"Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet." Mark Twain. -

"Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life." - Terry Pratchett.

"Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage." - Ambrose Bierce

"You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest." - Rowan Atkinson.

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