Funniest Ever Quotes

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Funniest quotes? There is an embarrassment of riches to choose from. Here are the top ten funniest ever quotes as voted by you, the discerning reader!

  1. 'Winston, if I were your wife, I'd put poison in your coffee'
    'Nancy, if I were your husband, I'd drink it'
    - Winston Churchill to Lady Astor
  2. Make crime pay - become a lawyer,
    - Will Rogers
  3. A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
    - Grouch Marx
  4. If at first you don't succeed, so much for skydiving.
    - Henry Youngman
  5. Men are like bank accounts - without a lot of money they don't generate much interest!
    - Unknown
  6. I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons.
    - Douglas Adams
  7. I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get divorced, I keep a house.
    - Zsa Zsa Gabor
  8. Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing, but none of them were serious.
    - Alan Minter
  9. 'There's a fiery glow coming from the back of the Ferrari'
    'That's his rear safety light'.
    - Murray Walker to his co-commentator
  10. Bart, with $10000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like... love!
    - Homer Simpson
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