Quotations
"It is never too early to sow the seeds of sycophancy."
"She's been around the block more times than a Communist hooker."
"Sarcasm without substance is nothing at all."
"Life begins at Uni; and then again at forty. So, look on the bright side: with that many lives, probability dictates you'll have sex at least once."
"It's difficult to notice the ground beneath your feet, when you're trying to touch the stars."
"Don't be pedantic; be correct. Were everyone correct, I could go back to sleep."
"When people disagree with me, usually, it is because they are wrong."
"Physical strength is for cowards; a little pain builds character."
"Spherical Bass: no matter how you drop it, it just keeps on rolling!"
"Sarcasm without substance is nothing at all."
"Starbuck's is about the only place I know where a mug can be half full, and still contain no coffee."
"What not to say to a hooker: '...that was great, darling; but let's try it once again - with feeling!'."
Andy: "That's hardly the most masculine thing I've ever seen."
Profesh: "Oh. And what is the most masculine thing you've ever seen?"
"There was a particularly vicious rumour going around about my not having a girlfriend; it turned out to be entirely true."
"Guns and roses make but poses."
"The proof of the pudding is in the refuting."
"Were your brow any lower, I'd trip over it."
"You know when you've been drinking absinthe: onomatopoeia hurts."
"The Skoda has the suspension of a bridge, and is about half as manoeuvreable."
On guitar technique: "You can keep your scalenes and archipelagos!"
"He's like Johnny Vegas in Johnny Vegas' body."
"You are the most original excuse for a human being I've ever met."
"I swear: God has a vendetta against me. Perhaps it is because I refuse to believe in him."
Teacher: "The Chair of the House of Lords sits on the 'woolsack'; so called because it symbolises the way in which Britain created its fortune."
Profesh: "On its arse?"
"He wields a badminton racket as most would wield a samurai sword: two-handed, and badly."
"It has come to my attention lately that I appear to be larger than life. But I am certain that life will outgrow me in time."
"Inside every fat person is an even fatter person, eating their way out."
"I don't fear death; I fear re-incarnation."
"Quotation is a serviceable substitute for wit; adaptation even more so."
"Mirror, mirror, on the wall: who is the 'athiest' of them all?"
"The apotheosis of nihilism is suicide."
"All airs and no graces make you a dull boy."
"Mine always was something of a 'touch and go' philosophy: I touch; they go."
Naomi: "You remind me so much of my ex-boyfriend." Profesh: "Why; what was wrong with him?"
"Instant clever: just add Latin."
I like big words, and I shall not prevaricate.
"I love it when a government thinks it's in control because it has 'authority'. It's like when a girl thinks that because she's on top, that makes her 'dominant'. Well, not really, no; less still if you tie her up with red-tape."
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