Comedian Quotes

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We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
View quotes by Fred Allen

Here are a list of Quotes from the delightful Northern Irish Comedian Danny McCrossan

Even the most powerful lie detector invented couldn’t drag a secret out of a woman, however, women rarely have lunch with lie detectors… - Danny McCrossan - Northern Irish Comedian

See women need to talk because they feel like they have to have adequate levels of communication in order to sustain a healthy and open relationship, whereas men are only driven to speak because of matters beyond their control, like not being able to find clean socks. - Danny McCrossan - Northern Irish Comedian.

In Pagan times, uninspired people made sacrifices at the altar, and today, thanks to marraige, many still do. - Danny McCrossan - Northern Irish Comedian.

When women are bored they do the usual things, they eat, they go shopping, they neurotically judge the looks of other women, but men, men invade another country! - Danny McCrossan - Northern Irish Comedian.

Anything that I’ve ever done that ended up worthwhile, initially scared me to death. Wether it was walking out on stage for that very first time, or asking a girl to include me in her plans for the future, but you know what, You have to risk everything sometimes or you risk even more. It’s not the challenges we face that define us, it’s the actions we take. - Danny McCrossan -Northern irish Comedian.

Everyone had big plans for me when I was younger, it was a cliche “Danny can do anything he wants to do” So I did the only thing I ever thought was worthwhile, bring laughter into the world. How I came to been seen as somewhat of a dissapointment to all those people who had made plans for me, well that still makes me chuckle. - Danny McCrossan - Northern Irish Comedian.

You learn alot in your teenage years, for instance I learned that if you’re ever being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a little tunnel, then onto a mini seesaw and then jump through a ring of fire, they’ve trained for that y’see. - Danny McCrossan - Northern Irish Comedian.

Asking people in Northern Ireland what they think of politics is like asking the Jews what they think of Hitler. - Danny MCrossan - Northern Irish Comedian.

There are too many warnings on packaging these days - defrost before eating - Use as directed - I mean, what’s next, you buy a packet of condoms, warning - may contain nuts! - Danny McCrossan - Northern Irish Comedian.

I say don’t conform, don’t allow yourself to be pigeon holed, it’s no good for the soul, and the pigeon doesn’t enjoy it either. - Danny McCrossan - Northern Irish Comedian.

I remember how nervous I was my very first gig and I remember when I walked out on stage and spoke those words, how the audience laughed and laughed. I swore, there and then, that one day I would have my revenge. - Danny McCrossan - Northern Irish Comedian.

The sign said “This door to remain closed at all times” Correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t that defeat the purpose of a door? - Danny McCrossan - Northern Irish Comedian.

View quotes by Danny McCrossan

Am I the Irish comedian with half a finger? No, I'm the Irish comedian with nine and a half fingers.
View quotes by Dave Allen

He was the greatest comedian since the war. [on Dave Allen]
View quotes by Roy Walker

"I wanted to be a comedian because I was heavy and I knew a lot of fat comics."
View quotes by Bryan McFadden

I never really thought of myself as a sex goddess; I felt I was more a comedian who could dance
View quotes by Rita Hayworth

When I tell people I'm a comedian they say, 'Oh, are you funny?' I say, 'No, it's not that kind of comedy.'
View quotes by Susan Sarandon

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
View quotes by Voltaire

The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mouth.
View quotes by George Jean Nathan

In a more intellectually rigorous age, I wouldn't be talked about as a satirist at all. I would just be a topical comedian.
View quotes by Rory Bremner

He was so good at everything he did. You can't call Ronnie Barker a comedian. He was an actor, and a great writer.
View quotes by Bruce Forsyth

The difficult thing when you are trying to be a comedian is to predict whether what you think is funny will make other people laugh.
View quotes by Mike Harding

Being a comedian it kinda helps if you can make people laugh, unfortunately we all go through stages where we find that a little harder than we might like!
View quotes by David Grier

It is an immense loss of a great comedian but more importantly a good friend [on the death of Dave Allen]
View quotes by Jimmy Tarbuck

A comedian's body is funny as well as his mind being funny, his whole personage is funny.
View quotes by Bobby Darin



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