With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
Rodney DangerfieldThe lioness giveth birth to cubs which remain three days without life. Then cometh the lion, breatheth upon them, and bringeth them to life.
William Of NormandyEven at our birth, death does but stand aside a little.
Robert BoltThe pains of childbirth were altogether different from the enveloping effects of other kinds of pain. These were pains one could follow with one's mind.
Margaret MeadI will be joining the campaign with a song in my heart, with a spring in my step [on the birth of his first child]
Charles KennedyA friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.
Erma BombeckEvery aspect of Western culture needs a new code of ethics - a rational ethics - as a precondition of rebirth.
Ayn RandThe appearance of a single great genius is more than equivalent to the birth of a hundred mediocrities
Cesare LombrosoThey kept trying to sponge down my face with cool water and all I could do was shout 'be careful of my hair!' because I didn't want it to go all curly (on giving birth to son Harvey)
JordanOur birth is nothing but our death begun.
Edward YoungFor my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
Steven WrightIt's seven years today, my anniversary, and it was my birthday yesterday - it's been a great weekend for me. I better be careful with the missus otherwise I will probably put her in the club! [Too much info, Warnock!]
Neil WarnockMan's main task in life is to give birth to himself, to become what he potentially is. The most important product of his effort is his own personality. (Man for Himself)
Erich FrommGiving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
Carol BurnettBirth and death are not two different states, but they are different aspects of the same state. There is as little reason to deplore the one as there is to be pleased over the other.
Mahatma GandhiCalled to the throne by the voice of the people, my maxim has always been: A career open to talent without distinction of birth. It is this system of equality for which the European oligarchy detests me
Napoleon BonaparteOn the birth of her 2nd son Owen. 'I wanted to give birth as opposed to being delivered!'
Ricki LakeI was thinking back to all the time in the gym, working hard, and that spurred me on [winning New York marathon just ten months after giving birth]
Paula RadcliffeThis existence of ours is as transient as Autumn clouds. To watch the birth and death of beings is like looking at the movements of a dance. A lifetime is a flash of lightning in the sky. Rushing by, like a torrent down a steep mountain.
BuddhaWhen real nobleness accompanies that imaginary one of birth, the imaginary seems to mix with real, and becomes real too
Fulke GrevilleMaybe it's my birthday, I honestly don't know. I'm 58? There's not much I need - I have plenty of socks
Arsene WengerThe 880-yard heel and toe walk is the closest a man can come to experiencing the panges of childbirth.
Avery BrundageNever lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
Erma BombeckDeath borders upon our birth; and our cradle stands in our grave
Joseph HallThere is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval
George SantayanaIt [giving birth] was easier than having a tattoo.
Nicole AppletonDeath and taxes and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them
Margaret MitchellPeople ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.
George BurnsJoan Collins unfortunately can't be with us tonight. She's busy attending the birth of her next husband.
John ParrottSome decent, regulated preeminence, some preference given to birth, is neither unnatural nor unjust nor impolite
Edmund BurkeMy name is Brian Green by birth. Austin was made up by my parents when I was nine, because there was another Brian Green in the Screen Actors Guild.
Brian Austin GreenTo understand the mysteries of life you must look around and within. You will see patterns everywhere; patterns that seem to manifest themselves over and over again. These patterns exist intertwined within nature and man bridging the gap between the enigma of self and universe. You see them in spiraling galaxies and the Mandelbrot fractal of fossilized Ammonoidea; growing from the unknown to atoms to molecules to solar systems to galaxies to the paradoxical expanses of the universe with origins and destinations unknown; just like us in birth and death. The similarities of tree branches, rivers and blood veins. The power of cellular division and nuclear fission, the patterns of finger prints like endoplasmic reticulum, or a black opal's play of fire like the nebula of supernova. Moon shots are like protoplasmic lurches, while simple thoughts and observations of the nature around us take us beyond the unknown. The clues to the great mystery are all around us and deep within us.
Bryant H McGillThe most effective form of birth control known to man is a Bronx accent [that's a little bit harsh on people from the Bronx isn't it Lewis?]
Lewis GrizzardYesterday at The Oval had to be the most thrilling moment of my life... perhaps after the birth of my children. [on England Ashes win 2005]
Gladstone SmallEven though people may be well known, they hold in their hearts the emotions of a simple person for the moments that are the most important of those we know on earth: birth, marriage and death.
Jackie KennedyAll souls must undergo transmigration and the souls of men revolve like a stone which is thrown from a sling, so many turns before the final release... Only those who have not completed their perfection must suffer the wheel of rebirth by being reborn into another human body.
Jean Paul RichterYou can tell it's a journalist's child because all he wants to do is to drink and sleep. [on birth of his third child]
John HumphreysWe should try to achieve things for ourselves and not rely on former or past family glories with which we have no connection but the arbitrary nature of our birth.
Shirley FranklinWhile man is growing, life is in decrease.
And cradles rock us nearer to the tomb:
Our birth is nothing but our death begun
Edward YoungHow many observe Christ's birthday! How few, his precepts! O! 'tis easier to keep holidays than commandments.
Benjamin FranklinAren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.
Bart SimpsonWe are dying from our very birth, and our end hangs on our beginning
ManiliusBirth was the death of him.
Samuel BeckettThere is still no cure for the common birthday.
John GlennLike all of us in this storm between birth and death, I can wreak no great changes on the world, only small changes for the better, I hope, in the lives of those I love.
Dean KoontzLife is like a very short visit to a toyshop between birth and death
Desmond MorrisThere is something about a poet which leads us to believe that he died, in many cases, as long as 20 years before his birth.
James ThurberToday is my birthday and the crew surprised me with a cake. But this was not the best present I got from the team. That was the new car, which felt good on the track. I did a few runs in the afternoon and everything went well.
Giancarlo FisichellaMasterpieces are not single and solitary births; they are the outcome of many years of thinking in common, of thinking by the body of the people, so that the experience of the mass is behind the single voice.
Virginia WoolfIt's not really difficult to go from one voice into the next. It's like asking you to sing a line of Happy Birthday and then Goodnight Irene - assuming you know the words to both those songs
Hank Azaria
Pick another category
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